My Struggles With Pride

There's a song that captures my feelings for her..."I wish I never met her at all." Even though I'm not in love with the girl, I still feel that way. Consequently, as I think of it, there are a few girls I wish I never met. But this one - the only one that makes my head hurt - I really wish I never met. Every time I receive a call or an email from her, I experience the familiar feeling of an emotion I cannot describe, we'll call it "discomfort" for now. In fact, every time I say to myself..."self, you're going to forget about her. Let her go to the place where rocks sing lullaby's, and where non consciousness is lord; the place of oblivion," she ends up calling me. That happened so many times that I am confused as to whether I should be angry and frustrated or optimistically happy. If I were to make an educated guess as to which feelings are wrong, I'd guess that the latter bunch is wrong.

After all, she doesn't like me in that way. Something about not fitting the image of what she looks for in a man. Sidebar: This has nothing to do with looks, but being conformed into the image of the man on the "bounty" paper towel wrapper. Something about the grungy and rugged farm worker seems to do it for her...I can't call it. In any case, my pride has been hurt and now I wish I never met her. This is especially so since I lied to her. I told her that I liked her, and that wasn't true. Sure she's pretty, and has that "there's something about Mary" kind of persona that makes all guys attracted to her, but I didn't like her. Wait...who am I kidding? I did like her. I liked her more than any girl I ever met. I liked her from the first moment I saw her (she'd call that lust though). So now my ego is hurt and pride is revealed, where do I go from here?
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